Happy New Year!!!

I know the right thing would have been to put up a picture of all my stuff I got for Christmas. But I think that would be gloating as Brandon was very good to me this year and got me many GREAT things. The keyboard I am typing this on was part of a station for my lap top. I got an IPOD nano, a book on Europe (for my trip), some clothes, a GREAT new lens for my camera to take zoom shots and some clothes to take to the gym and work off my fatness. Very thoughtful (I should note that I requested the last thing on the list).

Instead of the goings on of Christmas stuff I think I will skip right to the Happy New Year greeting. So far I've enjoyed my time away from the ragamuffins. More than I probably should. It will be very hard to go back, but I got a reminder today of the joys of teaching by getting a text message (I don't know how he got my number) from a student reminding me I need to send off his 5 letters of recommendation, which reminded me of my other student I have to do it for, as well. Just one of the many joys I am so thankful list when it comes to my life. Speaking of which - I think the end of a year is a good time to state what you are proud of accomplishing in your life this past year. So here goes.

There are so many things I am proud of but here, including becoming an uncle - again - but here are my accomplishments that I am proud of (in no particular order)

1. Being brave enough to face another year of teaching teenagers

2. Helping 2 new dogs find "forever homes" and hoping to help one more early this next year.

3. finally getting my act together to start the process of taking students to Europe for the summer

4. Getting my AP European Students to pass the final AP test at a rate of 74%

5. STARTING to go to the gym

6. Finishing a major remodel on our kitchen

7. Almost running for State House 24 (I know that sounds lame to "almost" run - but it was a life changing moment for me.)

8. Getting a 195 out of 200 on my national teachers test called the Praxis (receiving a certificate of excellence for my performance)

9. Elected to the Salt Lake County Democratic Party as the First Vice Chair

10. Being appointed to the Davis County Education Association Executive Board

On the same note here are the top things I learned this year

1. Be careful because the rut of life can suck you in and force you to do things over and over again without thinking about it.

2. Watch out for Maryjo she'll sucker you into fostering dogs for ever even if they vomit all over the place, including the bed.

3. Going to Europe is nice, but going with 50 kids is scary

4. Mr. Tennis (My Principal)expects all my students from smart to dumb to take the AP test - and expects a better than 74% pass rate.

5. Just starting to go to the gym should not then end up with a stop going to the gym.

6. Remodeling a kitchen is not fun, not easy, not clean, not enjoyable - but in the end it is really worth it.

7. Sometimes jumping into things without looking so hard can be a good thing. Thinking too much can sometimes make you miss a lifetime opportunity. (I learned this one years ago when I was jumping on cliffs at Lake Powell. I found that if I just jumped without thinking I could get myself to jump pretty high and feel quite accomplished. Thinking and worrying about it too much would often result in climbing lower on the cliff or scooting my bum back into the water. Of course one should not forget the poor saps who don't think at all and jump in to their deaths.)

8. As much as I preach to my students about not procrastinating and pushing them to study study study it doesn't mean I practice that behavior. And it doesn't mean you have to do that to be successful.

9. Being a person in a leadership role means you must assert yourself and be the person you were elected to be. Leadership means just that LEADERship. Letting others lead makes you a follower. No one is elected to be a follower.

10. Don't overextend yourself into too many things. It is better to do one thing well than to do mediocre on 10 things.



But of course the thing I am most proud and happy for is being able to spend quality time with my family and friends who I love very much. For my health (albeit obese health) - and for the joy that I get to spend another year with all of you. (except manda, but I'll deal).

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE AND GOOD LUCK IN 2008!

May your year be filled with new positive leadership and an optimistic future for all beings on this Earth.


(PS - the reason the rat is the image for this post is because 2008 is the year of the rat. The reason it is dead is because their is no good rat, unless it is dead.)

My apologies to the Roarkies

Dear Roarks,

'Twas the week before Christmas, and you're 'bout to fest
The entire family was arriving, except Uncle Wes
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Uncle Weston soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Chubby - Uncy danced in their heads.
The kids were all crammed in one single room,
The pink room was open for that Uncley goon

When out of the blue Uncle Weston did call,
with word of his absence soon did reach all.
The Roarks were all mad and angry at him
They said they should have just invited Uncle Tim.

Uncle Wes did apologize for not having come
"The problem was flights and enough room for my bum.
Christmas time for travel is extraordinarily hard
I'm sorry for being such a big stupid tard."

The Roarks they said they had understood,
they'd see him soon enough and that'd be good.
So a promise was given by Wes to the Roarks,
"In spring I'll be seein' ya so keep the good forks."

As Christmas day came and gifts were all opened,
Little Kali was seen head hanging - she was a mopin'
Grandma asked her "whats wrong?" and gave her a hug
She said she missed her Wes even though he does bug.

Just then she did see an unwrapped gift,
"From Uncle Wes" it read - she bent to lift.
She opened it up to reveal nothing there,
The family did gasp some even pulled hair.

Kali giggled and smiled with such grand delight,
Her mom asked her why? Why was that alright?
She said, "oh Mom I just remembered right now,"
Uncle Wes is always here with us, wanna know how?

'Cuz he loves each and every one of us with all of his heart,
So he just sent us this gift so we could remember that part.
He wishes he could say before he has us in sight,
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Tay Tay & The Poo Poo

So yesterday I went to get a haircut from Chelsea and of course the side benefit of that is being able to visit with family - including cutie patootie Tayler. He is at such a CUTE stage.

While we were waiting for the cut then I was holding Tayler and we went into the kitchen. Chelsea had just finished baking some cookies and what seemed to be brownies. But what was left looked much like something else - at least to Tayler.



After looking terrified that we'd ask him to eat poo poo he finally relented and had some.



It was hilarious. Chelsea was then concerned that they may have to have a future lesson on not eating poo poo. Lets hope not.

The second funny thing was the tree. Apparently Tayler likes the way the tree feels on his tummy.




And



You can hear him ask to see himself after he did it. He wanted to see him do it on the phone. So he says "Tay Tay?" It is so cute!

The Joy of being a foster parent - with update!

Today when I got home from work, a little late - but that is all I will give as my fault to this situation, I was in for a big surprise.

It had already been a long day in that I had to stay after work with the Sophomore Committee doing pictures and meetings. That was fun. But I did get home about 5:30. As I do, since we are fostering right now, I say hi to Lacey and give her a little attention before I go and let the beast out of the kennel.

A little background: A couple of weeks ago the Utah Animal Advocacy Foundation (UAAF) leader Maryjo asked if we could take a little terror into our hands. Normally she is always boarded up in Brigham City where a nice boarding place donates space to the UAAF. She didn't have a foster home. The reason she was there is because she is a bit aggressive. She has been returned to the group twice because she bites strangers. Once involving a mailman.

Anyway when Brandon brought her home he "claimed" she had nipped at him at the Petsmart where he picked her up. Okay, she probably did. But he still brought her home. This dog that apparently is timid around men and her timidity is what brings on the biting. Great - let’s bring the dog to where two men live. Anyway, She's here.

He brought her over and told me "do not look at her directly in the eyes. Do not go down to her level. Be careful with your hands. Do not reach your hand toward her. No sudden moves. Don't talk too deeply. Etc..."

Oh great! What have we got ourselves into? So we greeted Lily with our garden gloves on. Soon enough she had warmed up to us- more so to Brandon than me. In fact she is still protective to the point of biting or killing in this order. Brandon over Me and Lacey, Brandon and Me over Lacey, and Brandon, Me, and Lacey over anyone else. I hugged Brandon and got a growl. I reached toward her while she was sitting by Brandon on the bed and she growled. Lacey and she do NOT get along. They have attacked each other multiple times. It seems as though she is doing it to protect us most of the time.

Yesterday when I was to take them both for a walk when I got home from work then the garbage truck was going by. Lacey loves to bark at the trucks. Lily loves to try and kill Lacey when she barks. The larger the louder the truck the worse Lacey barks, the worse Lacey barks, the more her life is threatened. Immediately Lacey barks and lurches towards the truck. Lily immediately attacks Lacey. In a brawl of fur I saw the following snapshots.

1. Lacey under Lily - Lily's jaw on Lacey's ear
2. Lily being pulled back by me - Lacey biting Lily's tail
3. Lily again on top of Lacey me pulling on both their leashes - it isn't working
4. Lily's jaw around Lacey's neck - my foot kicking into Lily's side to remove her from my dog.

Ahhh, it was great.

So anyway - where was I? Oh yes. The point of this post: today.

Today I came home from work a little late. I spent my time with Lacey. Something didn't smell right - literally. I figured Lacey must have had an accident. But how odd - that never happens. I sniff around. Nothing. I said to Lacey, "should we let Lily out?" I'm sure Lacey's response was "hell no" however since I was distracted by what I saw in the kennel I didn't hear what she said. I wish I had and had listened to her advice.

In Lily's kennel was a pile of dog dung. It looked a bit like curdled pesto. I am not sure if I will be able to have pesto soon. The good and bad news is the poop was there. The bad is that - well - it is poop I am going to have to clean up. The good news is that it was still there. One thing I forgot to mention is Lily has a history of eating her own fecal matter.

So I let Lily out and knowing about her submissive biting/peeing/pooping issues I decided I better not be mad or mean - I mean after all, I was late. I felt bad. As she climbed out of the kennel you could tell she was very ashamed of what she did and was expecting a beating (no doubt why she is so aggressive because she was mistreated by someone). I bent down to pet her and she peed on the floor.

"Oh, okay Lily," I said in a high toned sweet voice. Trying to not make the issue worse. "Let’s go outside..."

Continuing my sweetness I bent down to pet her again about 6 feet from the kennel (which is in the office) in the kitchen. Oh - peed again. Full sized amount both time, mind you. We're not talking a little piddle. This time I am trying to continue to be sweet and Lily does her second timid thing and rolls on to her back. Right in her pee.

"Oh, okay Lily," I say again in the sweetest voice I can muster. "Outside."

She goes outside and I turn around to put my coat on the counter. Apparently she came in from outside through the dog door right behind me.

"Bleh" (sound like a Tupperware of chunky chicken noodle soup being opened and sloshed onto a wall)

Suddenly I feel something cool on my leg to accompany the sound. I look behind me and a substance in similar color but more fluid than the poop in the kennel was sprayed all over my leg, two square feet on the floor on the side of the stool and the side of the bench by the door. Pesto-rama all over again.

"Sweet lily, please remove yourself from my presence and go outside please." I ushered both dogs outside and began to clean quietly and patiently. Normally I would have cursed more now than a lifetime's worth but for whatever reason I continued calmly. I mopped up everything; I cleaned up the poop in the kennel. I took my pants off and washed off the pant leg. Everything was spic and span.

I let the dogs in. Back to the routine. I fed them dinner. I was turning on my laptop and relaxing from my "welcome home pesto party" and then I see Lily walk over to the fireplace. Almost to the tile - but of course not quite. Her back arches in a poop-chute sort of way and there it comes, farts and all, greasing on the rug and the tile. Apparently Lily was not done.

After calmly removing Lily from the house again (you'd think she would have gotten the time during the 15 minutes I was cleaning to do this out side. But if you did think that - you'd be wrong) I cleaned up her mess again. Then I left to go have dinner with Arlyn.

As I returned I called Brandon to let him know I was on my way home. During the conversation I heard a familiar sound. Think Chicken Noodle Soup in a Tupperware and the wall again. Then Brandon said a few choice words. Apparently Lily was sitting on his lap, as cute as it is, and vomited all over him, his computer, the desk, and the floor.

So there it is. A night as a foster parent. In all its glorious glory. All because people breed their dogs we do this. Thanks a pant load. (pant load comment copyright Manda Holty).

Well it is off to bed for me. Off to the only room of ours Lily hasn't soiled. At least yet. I wonder what pesto explosions while you sleep sounds like?

UPDATE- Lily vomited and pooped in the bedroom. The sanctuary is over. Also observe the vomit counter on the left <----

My head hurts...I'm tired....I'm out...

Well, I finally made a decision.




It was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life.




Since Ralph Becker, member of the Utah State House of Representatives was no longer running for his seat because he was elected to be Mayor of Salt Lake City his seat was open and in a special election a replacement was going to be found to finish up the remainder of his term.

For about a week or two I have been throwing around the idea of running. I know I am young, I know that I am inexperienced, but I truly felt that I had something unique to bring to the race and that I would bring something that no other candidate could. I think that I truly had a chance to win.

So why not run, you ask? Well besides just being a plain old wimp I think that I have other obligations that I must finish up and stick with. I need to make sure I do the things I have already committed to as fully as I can. If I were to run I would have to neglect my students, neglect my job, neglect my position in the County Party, neglect my position as an Executive Board member of the DEA and part of the PAC committee. I have Europe this summer, I have dogs I am fostering, I have the Board of the Community Council I need to pay better attention to. There is just too much right now.

I want to be in a leadership position. I think I have what it takes to be there. But I am 28. I'm not there yet. There will be future opportunities and I hope that then I will be ready to take them.

I'm very disappointed in myself and hope that I will be ready when the next opportunity arises.

In the meantime if you are so inclined and you want to know how serious I was and how ready I was to throw my hat in the ring you should look at my website I put up. www.westonclark.com Everything was edited and ready to go (with the exception of the "issues" page that needed some editing) but it will have to sit now and await 2009 when Eric Jergensen's position is up on the city council and I am ready then to take that challenge.

Joke Theory & Flashback Friday

"Kearns Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

I have been made aware of a trend in the land-o-blogs that some like to do flashback stuff to review old pictures of yourselves or others. I think that is lame. But because I think that is lame doesn't mean I am above it and I am totally willing to indulge. However I am going to give a Berp-worthy take on the whole thing. "Ber" itself is an old joke, and old fad, that I will never let die. Why? Because sometimes rehashing old stuff can become funny again. Just as tapered peg legged pants will also become cool again.



Here is my joke theory. Jokes, well timed and well placed, can be hilarious. The repetition of a joke can become old and stale. What most decent and normal human beings then do, however, is the mistake. After a cold, dirty look from a friend the then stale joke becomes another joke of the past. One that isn't rehashed or brought up again. It dies a sad and lonely death in the graveyard of old worn out jokes. This my friends is wrong. Just plain wrong. What most people don't appreciate is the fact that old jokes can come back just as quickly as they died. A joke that has gone stale if pushed with persistence can come back and be funnier than ever before. There is a bit of a lag time where you have to deal with the scowl of friends, and the threat of never being spoken to our hung out with again, but then - THEN - is the glorious moment that someone gives a little chuckle. That chuckle is a crack in the icy cold wall of old jokedom. The chuckle is not directly pointed at the joke it is, in fact, that that joke being told AGAIN is so ridiculous and that it has risen again from the dead is not simply something funny and entertaining. But now it is on another level. A level of funny that will never die. It isn't the old joke that is exactly funny in the same way it was the first time it was told, but it has risen to a higher level of fun. It is now on a higher plane of existence. Think Jonathan Livingston Seagull.



Anyway back to the point of the post. For my flashback Friday I am rehashing an old joke that should never die. Manda sent us all an email a while back depicting different Barbie's with different themes. They were hilarious. She commented - thankfully there isn't a Sandy Barbie because she feared she'd never hear the end of it. So in that same vein I created what I called the Sandy Barbie - observe:



"Sandy Barbie"
This wonderful gem comes complete with midsize family, midsize SUV, and of course two genetically defunct Lhasa apsos (they come pre-named Maui and Milo). The full set comes with a conveniently located Wal Mart with or without the gravel pit. Of course the family includes two multi-ethnic and one down syndrome child - perfect to start the budding Sandy family. While Ken is not seen here, you can be assured he is at his 3rd job and popping his 5th Viagra soon to be on his way home. Although not the most sought after Barbie she is slightly better (albeit less drug addicted) than her cousin "White City Barbie." Soccer stadium sold separately, at a substantially higher cost.

Oh and honey - while you are at the store with the gaggle of our children - don't forget the beer. Thanks!

A moment to breathe....A teaching moment.

So for a teacher I have to tell you the best moment. It is a moment I am having right now as we speak. My students are taking a test. It is bliss. My work is done and they are stressing. What could be better? I know - I could be blogging on the internet while they are taking a test. And wallah - I am! :-)

My favorite moment within the test is a student was obviously looking over at another students paper. I said, "Kyle - keep your eyes on your own paper." Then because I cannot keep well enough alone I added "or at least be more subtle about it." Ahhh the mind games. Being a teacher wouldn't be worth it without them. The low pay, the aggravation, the political maneuvering with the administration and the toying of my job with the state legislature - it just wouldn't be worth it without the mind games.

More fun moments to play with the kids. Very quickly I had a couple students turn in their tests - my comment to the class "wow, you guys were fast - I bet they are high quality work too!"

I'm so sarcastic with them. Maybe too much sometimes?

Another student comes up with sunglasses on (no doubt to cover his blood shot eyes - hmm?) and turns in his test - I said "Dakota - I'll be sure to turn down the lights next time - I'm very sorry"


Oh these poor kids. I joke but the reality is there are some real sad cases.

2 of my 8th period world civ students have had one of their parents die this year already. 1 had a parent attempt suicide. One of them has pink strung through is black greasy hair. One kid has most BO in a day than most people have in a lifetime.
And these are only the things I know. To be a teenager again. It would suck. As much as I hate them I really do feel bad for them.

Sick of the break...

How crappy would it be if after months of slaving over the education of hormonal teenagers. Weeks after being subjected to the most inane questions possible on the face of this planet. Questions that must be answered with a straight face and with all sincerity. Days after trying to find a way to explain to children topics like war and sex in a G rated fashion that might allow their brain to stretch beyond the bounds of Bountiful - and if we are lucky outside the bubble of Utah - all without offending them or eventually their parents. Hours after having written down a place mark of where in the curriculum we are so that I can remember we are learning about society in the Old Regime in Europe, Peter the Great of Russia, and the Hohenzollerns of Prussia for one class, the dynamics of Political Parties and campaigns for another, the ins and outs of a document based question and essay writing in a writing class and the emergence of Christianity in the Roman empire. That you would...by they way were were taking about how crappy it would be if after all that stuff...you got a break and a day and a half into that break you got sick.

Well welcome to my wonderful world of being sick. At the risk of sounding disgusting - if there was another hole in my body I would have exploded from it. I'm sorry, but being sick is gross. I haven't vomited in years. YEARS. There have been times I wished I had vomited in the hopes it would make it better. Now, however, I know vomiting is not the solution. Vomiting only makes things worse. If there was a bone in my body with the inkling to become bulimic the bone has been silenced. The only friend of mine during the wee hours of the night when I was reliving my thanksgiving delight in reverse was the softness of the bathroom mat that allowed me to lay down in between excretions. Ahhh, it was grand. And now you have enjoyed it with me.

Anyway the point of all this is I created this and many like it during my recovery time in which I was taken care of wonderfully by Brandon. Enjoy and peace out.

City & County Fun!

 

This is a picture of most of the group at the top of the City and County Building in downtown SLC. It was an amazing experience that I will not forget. Thanks to Ed and his great connections he got us up there. Not many are allowed up there for obvious reasons, but it was so neat. We got to see Ed's office and then we went right up and up and up. The stairs seemed to keep going. It was a good and needed work out for me. Anyway up top we had some amazing views of the city. We could see downtown, all the way to the U, and as far south as the air would allow us. Thanks for the great experience Ed. More photo's can be seen HERE.

Berp.

I'm mad. Furious if you will. I wanted to set up the perfect blog. So of course I would name it after the most versatile word in the English language - I think. it is berp. The best ever. More about that later - anyway so I went to blogger and tried to implement this grand plan. Guess what? berp.blogspot.com is already taken. By some juan carlos dude. it isn't even in English. What kind of person uses the most important word in the English language to set up a damn spanish blog? Humph. Lame. Anyway not to panic. As I will explain shortly the reason berp is so important is because of it's multi-uses. So I wanted to use the berp in the sense of how playful this site can be for all who visit. So the address of this blog is born as berpdadert.blogspot.com. But the title is simply - Berp. Grand. So we move on. This is where it all started:

A while back a new word was added to the vocabulary of intelligent people. It is the refinement of years of trying to convey particular feelings and emotions through cumbersome elongated words that mean so many different things to so many different people. You really can't talk to the common person if you use such linguistic patterns. You can't be certain that they are understanding exactly what you are saying. So we smart people developed a word that when instituted correctly can be used to convey endless feelings, emotions, accusations, pointed hatred, cattiness, and other such fun.

Berp (b [ir] p)- noun - adjective - preposition - whatever you want - meaning is not important - when and how it is used is.

Most often berp is shortened to simply "ber" leaving the p to more sophisticated situations.

Ber can be used to sum up a sentence as in:

I am going to do that whether you like it or not. So Ber. (stern ber)

Or it can be used to make an agreement solidified:

John: Wanna go to the store?
Jane: Yes!
John: Ber. (confidant ber)

Maybe it is as way to convey sorrow, or sadness or sympathy.

Tom: My cat died yesterday
Ethel: Berrrrr (note the elongated "r". Very important in the conveyance of sympathy)

In extreme cases ber can be used as conversation on both sides often with gestures.

Jack: Ber? (questioning ber. holding up an apple - intent of ber - "wanna piece?")
Diane: Ber. (solid and short - abrupt, if you will - intent of ber - "no!")
Jack: Ber! (higher pitched and squeaky - intent of ber - "Whatever!"
I could sit her and explain the use of the berp but it would be pointless. I think you'll understand the ber as we go.